Who Am I ?

What kind of person I want to be?

Do you ever wonder about that kind of question ? even a while in your thought?
Or maybe about this question..

What kind of person am I?

I sometimes read that question, I don’t remember where I read that question but to be honest, is that really matter? Is that a big problem? How can you don’t know yourself? Well, when I am in junior high school I used to think like that. But now, it’s totally different.

Lately I’ve been wondering so much about this matter. But more likely to know more about myself. Yes, I live with myself for 19 years old and still counting until now, I live with my body, I live with my thought every single day. But that’s now mean I know everything about myself.

And knowing what kind of person are you is important for me. It gives you information about what will you behave in facing any kind of situation. When you know in particular situation you will act like not it supposed to be, you can warn yourself and change that if it possible. The problem is that not easy as it seems. Maybe it’s a part of adolescence. According to wikipedia, it is a transitional stage of physical and psychological development that generally occurs during the period from puberty to legal adulthood.

I feel like many things happened to me and it bring a lot of changes in me, especially in my emotions. I am more to be sensitive and highly value myself. So when someone say anything like “okay, if you can’t do that project, let me do it by my own” whoaaa.. it boost my energy to prove he’s wrong. I am easily get irritated with others. More likely to have my own impression over someone and how they behave. And with that matters, it drive me to have more things to think. I like to imagine like creating a simulation. If I say blah.. then they must be like this and that.. but it kinda in a more negative way because I create a simulation mostly in a worst probability that might happened. Because of that it seems like more difficult than it should be.

Guys, if you also experienced like me, I think all of your activity might be more stressful.

So please, before it gets worsen, try to think more then relax.

Every time you wake up from your imagination about things that might be happened, try to tell yourself (I suggest you to “talk” not just thinking) like a simple question..

“why you can know things will be happened just the way your imagination create it?” (even you create a good simulation like when you are hoping about something in positive way, it might not happened exactly like that)

“Thinking about a negative version about what might happened just make yourself even more difficult than it will be” (So why prepare to give yourself more burden when you can stay keep calm while facing the truth)

“Sometimes we need to face anything spontaneously” (just give a little bravery to your heart.)

Believe me it’s not going to be easy but it doesn’t mean you can not do it. A little change in you can bring more impact to yourself.

When you have nothing to do, give yourself a reflection.

What kind of person I am?

Well, when it goes to me, the very first thing I notice about myself is I love helping people (disclaimer: I am not trying to be naive, but according to me, that’s the thing that matter the most)

Like when I can help someone, it gives me a “kepuasan pribadi”. That’s satisfaction after helping someone can bring me peace when I do my own task or job. I don’t know what is the correlation but that’s what happen to me. The problem is lately I feel that the desire to help someone sometimes conflicts with the urge to do my own task. In many case I did someone’s job before mine. That’s make me to be a procrastinators sometimes (haha I think we all can be that). The thought that I will treat people as good as that make me have a perception that everybody can treat the same thing to me. But the fact that is just something that must be fixed. Not in those person, but in me. Yes, I do realize that everybody have their own unique way to behave and think. Just because you will do such thing to someone doesn’t mean that they will do the same thing to you. And that’s normal.

So if you more likely to behave like me, I learn how to avoid that ...

It’s 2017, think about yourself more than others. It not drive you to be a selfish person but it kinds like changes you a little bit to value yourself, to remember about your goals, to make you more responsible about your own task, and to avoid disapointment. J

And by this, I hope I can learn about myself more so that I can set what kind of person I want to be next..